Take 4

Where did the time go I'm already on injection number 4?  This time no bruise. They put it on the left side. Oh yeah that is what I forgot to tell you. They switch injection spots every other side each month.  So here is my silly theory on this. My left side always goes smoother, mentally, side effect wise etc. Which follows my period's. Left side was always easier. Right side with injections and periods seems to be the bad side. Plus, this is where my endo problems are the worst. Funny that just dawned on me.

Okay, let's see have I gained weight for all of You worried about blog's or websites that say Zoladex does this. Nope actually lost weight. Maybe my body isn't bloating as much. I work out just as I've always have. This might be what normal is like. The working out you have read in all my post is what helps true believer in this.

What is working for me bodyrock (daily hiit). Not just plunging this for them to get more hits on their site. They have free workouts and helps you mentally push yourself and reach goals in your home. They've helped me revamp my body and outlook with positive thinking. This helped me relieve cramps during my period and now mentally while dealing with this drug. Rises your endorphins gives me confidence body wise. Remember this works for me. Find something that inspires you. Yoga, daily hiit training, running, walking, WOD or insanity workout's. This is one of the many keys to help our disease girl's. As I said before my Dr. Said, "25 to 60 minutes three to four days a week will help." He is right.  I'm choosing to be a true warrior. When I work out I imagine beating this disease. I will not become a victim but a fighter.

Other symptoms. Yes, oddly enough you do still feel when you should ovulate even though your not. Still have cravings but this could be sympathy to your girlfriend's / co- worker's cycle's. Headaches, yes a huge increase.. If you've been reading hot flashes are a big check along with water retension. Dizzy and confusion yes once in awhile. Forgetfulness check. Joint pain/ discomfort, once and awhile. Break through periods, not for me woot, woot! Trust me ladies this is the biggest plus to this drug. Hyperglycemia yes, I've always had it but it has become more prevalent.  Easy bruising YES! So annoyed by that. Loss of hair, some but not to noticeable. My hair texture is a tad dry and a lot more does come out along with your normal shedding of hair. So no buying wigs ladies it is small amounts. Breast size decrease, yes I'm down 1/2 cup, no loss there never been that well endowed. Plus side they no longer hurt or tender after injection three.  Oh urinate a lot more frequently was not a joke on this symptom. Think I've drove my coworkers nuts on this. Sometimes you will feel tenderness or a cramp around injection site. Not bad and goes away quickly. Nothing as bad as what we are use to. Your breath is sweeter too which is an interesting side effect.

What's in store? Only the month will tell. They are impressed I'm doing so well on the Zoladex. Remaining positive and have little issues. I said what all patients say, " only two more injections to go." The fifth injection I meet up with my Dr. To discuss surgery. My goal get it done before I have my first period off the Zoladex. Heard it is bad and your begging to get back on just to avoid the pain. If I don't oh well I'm use to it. Endo is an vengeful disease. Just knowing I have the tools to beat it is satisfying enough. The key word staying positive.

Hug to everyone going through this or thinking about it. You can do it. Blog about it. If you don't want to be so public as I am. Write in a journal or communicate to love ones. My goal is to help reach out. Document my journey and Hopefully shed light on all that we all go through.

Huston we have a problem

I wish this could be a happy post but zoladex injection 3 has caused a emotional break down. This drug gets to your head. Is it because what takes years naturally for your body to do, this injection does in a month? Bam menopause. Starting to see why women were put in institutions. Menopause is a beast.

Between communication problem's, misunderstandings while in this state causes a irrational behavior. I once read a women's post who said her doctor or her husband  had a code word "zolly Wolly ". Referring to her being in a bad frame of mind. You get really sad, doubt, worry about every little thing. Yes, well at least for me about having kids or not being able to have them again. My thought process went to a darker thought. What if thing's don't work out with my boyfriend who is going to want a woman of my age who cannot have children? Scars all over her stomach and on hormones for the rest of her life? I can't even cuddle with my child because the hot flashes are so bad. Feel as if I'm rejecting her, have a short fuse etc... what if she's not getting the love I always give her? You keep going deeper and deeper in depression. You feel numb to everything until BAM! It needs to spill out in tears and angst. My dearest girlfriend who I tell my deepest thoughts to caught me. She listened to my irrational side. Gave me words of encouragement and love I so deeply needed to hear over the phone. You see one reason I got so bad was I'm the strong one in my group and family. Usually I have words of wisdom, comfort and knowledge. The strength to hold on. What happens when the strong willed people break down? Who catches them? Answer your closest girlfriend who know you and knows you too have weak moments.

Have heart you pull out of this. Surround yourself with love, physical contact ( hugs) find small things to smile at. Towards the end of the month you feel better. One thing that helped me is herbal teas. Not only did this help with water retension ( which is a cause of such mood swings), it helped get your libido back a little, it calms your mood swings and hot flashes too. Way better than going on all the drug's they want to put you on.

Tea: nettle, dandelion and vitex ( Chaste Tree or Chaste Berry tree). Recognize this my endometriosis friend's? Some of you are probably nodding yes. For this is the same stuff in teas that are recommended to help with our cramps and pain with endo. The only thing you shouldn't take is black chosh at this time. Can't remember why but they said no. This really does help. I take it every other day. I only do Chaste Tree twice a week since it is putting some estrogen in your body but not enough to mess with treatment. My Dr. Approved this. So Please ask your Dr. First.

Okay onto those nasty hot flashes. Yes they get worse. Not so sure summer was a good idea to be on Zoladex. Humidity, plus 88 degrees plus hot flashes equals misery. Cotton, light clothes ladies. Polyester or non-breathable fabric not your friend at this point. They are not just hot fluxes but sweats! Nightly sleep well your going to sleep less sorry. Fans, hardly no clothes and a sheet is all your going to need. Even the sheet is too much at times. Remember your hot flashes are intense you know when your getting them. You go from cuddling to throwing people off you.

I've found certain thing's make the hot flashes worse. Caffeine ( I'll deal love my coffee/ chocolate too much), alcohol only takes one drink to increase these bad boys. Greasy food which this just might be me but it tends to increase them. Also being upset gets them going.

One thing that work's for me to get these in control and water retension down. Working out! Yes, walk, run, body rock (hiit training). This helps you sweat and gets a lot of water out of your body. Ice water lots and lots of water. Eating some what healthy. Very simple thing's but they help.

As for my poor daughter who likes to cuddle. I've told her to squeeze her teddy bear that use to be mine growing up. Every time she hugs the bear he hugs me. Yes, I'll cuddle with her to a point then tell her "mommy is hot." Bless her heart she fan's me or turns a fan on for me. She has seen my stomach with bruises and band-aids. Like you can keep a child from not barging in on you lol. Poor thing goes quiet. I just reassure her it is mommy getting healthy for her and that it is for a short time. Keep my fears, tears away from her as much as I can. She knows the basic. Mommy is sick but getting better. She is the light of my life and helps me through this more than she knows by keeping me going.

Remember your friends sometimes forget you are taking Chemo because you are basically acting normal. They don't know the battle we're fighting in our head and body. Be honest about how your feeling communicate to love one's as much as possible. You tend to get deep in your head. Apologize for outburst. Deep breathes. We're doing this to be pain free. Is it worth it? You will want to say No. Then you say Yes! Plus to this no painful period's. Been so nice not being in complete pain. I spoke with another endo suffer and she summed it up nicely. "Sad that being labor didn't phase me. The pain was not nearly as bad as my periods." This puts what we're going through in perspective, well for me it does. Be Pain Free!

Half way point

Third injection! Only three more to go of Zoladex. Decided to add a picture of what your stomach my look like after an injection gone awry. Actually had a great nurse. She numbed me, waited 5 minutes and slipped the insert in. Didn't even notice 'til I saw her face. " I'm so sorry your bleeding I have to apply pressure. I accidentally ruptured a blood vessel there will be bruising." Hence photo below. This four days old too. Told you, you will bruise easy. So no bikinis for us. Don't know about you but I do not even want my boyfriend to see.
    The only thing going on so far is my hot flashes turned into hot sweats. You have one hot flash and it feels like your dripping in sweat. So bring a towel, stay cool, wear cotton or the lighter the better. These hot flashes are like your skin is on fire and you cannot get cool fast enough.
     To fix this I'm going to try nettle and dandelion tea for reducing water retention and Chase Berry Tree tea if Dr. Approves to natural reduce hot flashes. Keep you posted on how well this helps. More in a week on third injection.

Third verse same as the first

As I finished up month two of Zoladex I experienced what they call the Zolly Wolly's. This a term for holy emotions! Would you like a side of Zanex with that? First off spring/ summer heat wave with a side of humidity mixed with hot flashes YIKES! Let's take that heat/ hot flashes and add water retention. Can we say umpa lumpa and very grumpy. You go from I'll tolerate you, too your jerk, don't touch me, just leave me along in seconds!
       As for weight gain side effect, I've actually lost some and staying about the same. Mind you I'm working out 4-5 days a week. I'm doing Daily Hiit (bodyrocktv) and skimble. Also taking up running. My eating habits are bad once again, so work to going back to eating clean made me feel better and less tired.
      Some side effects I'm experiencing. Bruise, bruise, bruises. You won't even know what you did but you will find you get them so easily. Joint pain, headaches, insomnia and some cramping. I didn't get my period which was the biggest plus. Still had sweet carvings, emotional and some cramps but nothing like what we're  used too.
      The hardest part of all this for me is that my daughter can't snuggle up to me for long before my hot flashes hit. Hard for her to understand mommy can't handle having extra heat while going through one. All I want to do is hold her close. My suggestion ladies ice packs, fans and distance when your angry. Your Going to have a short fuse to thing's that normally wouldn't bug you.
     

Quick to prescribe

Well injection two. They switched sides this time putting it on my left side of stomach. During your injection they ask you about your experience so far on Zoladex. Lucky to have such a supportive nursing staff. They are sensitive, laugh with you, comfort you when upset and let you know their there for you. This is a challenging experience that you feel very alone in. So this helps you vent and helps you feel validated.

There is a flip side to this. Mine is my counselor. Yes, you get a counseling nurse who monitor's you while on treatment. Mine feels like a drop rep pimp, quick to prescribe drugs to help with one side effect to another. Doesn't seem all to bad right? Wrong! You see they give you two sheets of paper to answer questions 1 being Not at all to 5 being all the time. So what are these questions your thinking? Depression questions. Heaven forbid you answer how this past month has made you feel, because you get labeled severely depressed.

The nurse told me that she was going to put me on Prempro for hot flashes and Efexor for depression. I told her I'm not depressed and that everyone once in awhile feels they let someone down or is restless. I've always been restless unable to Sleep etc... I know my body and this is truly hormonal. She didn't listen and said in Two weeks she will check back with me. Finally, and don't be afraid to do this I put my foot down. Told her I was not taking it. I'm happy and just now feeling calm. I'll keep it as back up, but I know my body better than a piece of paper does.

Not only did I shock her there but I blew her out of the water with my next request. I talked to her about wanting my sex drive back. She instantly went into a spiel about how my boyfriend is going to have to be patient, support me in these next 6 months and accept the fact I'll have a low sex drive. Then I said, " Not for him, for me. I want my sex drive back." She was floored. Looked at me oddly. Is that hard to except that yes a women wants her sex drive, or likes sex? I'm 36 not dead. Of course I didn't get any help, just told its only 6 months. I'm not giving up on this topic and will find a natural remedy.

Guess the lesson of this particular blog is only you know your body. Stick up for yourself, research the side effects of what they are giving you.  You have a choice.

As for the second dose it hit me hard that night. I went to bed at Nine pm. To only wake up to let out my dog later that evening. When I woke I was disoriented, dizzy, nauseous and had to hold onto thing's to let the dog out. Once I laid down again I felt better. There is still waves of nausea but not as bad yet at the first dose. Here's to a better month hopefully.

This Girl is on Fire

Injection number 2.  Holy hot flashes. Ladies hold on these bad boy's are rough. Imagine if you will, your just sitting there talking to friend's when all Of the sudden you become so over heated. Your body feels like it's on fire, tingling and waves nausea over come you. You start to sweat and can't get cooled. From fanning yourself to yes sticking yourself in the freezer to find a way to get cool. I regret not doing this in winter. If your anything like me you start to get heat rashes too.

Don't lose faith or think you look crazy fanning yourself, you have to get cool somehow.  Thousands of women go through menopause and can pass secrets of how to get past this. One is chewing on ice cubes, fans and light clothing. There are drugs/ creams too which I have not tried yet. I was prescribed Prempro but I'm waiting to see if I can do the natural route first.
  
Yep you leave the realm of over emotional to hot flashes, night sweats and lack of sex drive. Fun stuff right? Your mood does kilter out some but your appetite changes. So far I've lost interest in food until I get so hungry I finally eat something. Though I have a tendency to over worry in my opinion to weight gain. So this maybe only me who fixates on weight gain. I do continue to work out though you do feel more tired.

Confusion is unfortunately part of this being thrown into menopause. So if you find yourself standing there for what seems minutes trying to figure out what your doing hang in there. This to shall pass with time. I hope.

Good night ovaries

Panic attack! After just getting done with my period 17 day's later I got one again! Of course you call your Dr. In a panic, " Is this normal?" Yes! I was told. The zoladex boosted Your hormones into hyperdrive speeding up ovary production/ cycle. Hence the over flow of emotions previously mentioned in my blogs. While your on your period the Zoladex is putting your ovaries to sleep. This my friends is their last hoorah. There should be no more, but they did say there can be spotting and it is possible to have a light one. Everybody is different

You will be told that this last period will be really painful or easy.  Mine was easy due to the fact my last one was horrible because of the surgery.  The only complaints I have is it is long. Really long. Some cramping, yes your endo symptoms are very much present. Bathroom issues, headaches, sore body and sorry guys really swollen chest.

The next mood to follow is that cold, shallow, meh mood that hits. Your numb and quick tempered. My sex drive has gone up, down and back. You also don't feel like socialization. Pull yourself out of rut go be human trust me you will feel better.

As you can tell my nausea has left somewhat. Only is around in mornings. have not had much of an appetite and actually lost a pound. You Will have dizzy spells and feel faint. Keep working out, eat as best you can. Focus on your family, loved ones and hang on tight.