No filtter

Drum roll please injection 6! Yeah, only this is not my last. Yes they approved number 7. Fun! Not! Yet, this injection has to happen in order for surgery. What's one more month right? I can do this, as I repeat that over and over again. " just keep swimming, swimming, swimming." Yes, can you tell I'm a parent?lol
     Let's play catch up shall we. Injection 5 towards the end started to make me feel neasua around five at night into the wee hours of the morning. Injection 6 has brought a low mild depression, headaches, tiredness and no filter. I like to think of this as "price is right" game show. "Tell her what she has won! Well Bob she has one, one month of saying thing's you usually keep to yourself, headaches, no sleep due to night sweats, bitchy towards everyone, no patient's and depression! Back to you Bob."
    Okay, to be honest I have added stress these past month's which no one should have to have on top of all this. Life happens and you cannot stop a death of a loved one, boyfriend woes, work stress, ex-husband, financial delays, family and anything your child is needing. So verbal purge is what happens. Not just any kind of purging, the stuff you should have filtered before you say. You know " If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it all." That should be me, but it just flies out ladies. Menopause takes no prisoners. Us who are on Zoladex have been thrown into this phase in hyper drive so I believe the crazy is less controllable.
My advice when you feel the anger and rage rise. Quickly grab a pillow or walk away and scream. Your loved one's by this time are growing thin with patient's but if they love you, they will understand. Hug them too. Apologize. Most importantly don't be to hard on yourself. Your going through a lot no matter what injection your taking.
    Have I gained weight? Well yes and no. A pound here and there no more than three. Then I lose it. My motivation this month has been low. Then I watch Lisa on Daily Hiit for workouts and I find my strength to push forward. Due to stress and poor eating habits this month it has been a struggle, but I'm taking it back by jumping on the wagon of health. Yes, you notice if your not being healthy.
    Also my surgery is September 30th. A month away. Full hyst. Even taking the cervix. So What was 2 weeks recovery maybe 4-6 week's. I will keep blogging even after the surgery. Our journey has not ended and I want to give hope, information to all that are going through this. Doesn't end after they remove everything. There is hormone therapy, recovery and how I feel off Zoladex, having a hyst, and more drugs! Fun! Most importantly I do this for Endometriosis Awareness and encouragement to you who are traveling this road. Yes, you can do it. Hugs. I'm always here to lend a smile and strength.

Sincerly ,

Mandi

No more Mr. Roboto injection 5

Okay, laughing at the title, I will share this inside joke to you of course. Why did I title this No more Mr. Roboto? Besides being a great 80's song. This refers to Injection number 5 and my doctor.

You see when I first had my laparoscopy my Dr. Excitedly was talking to my brother and boyfriend about this new procedure using robots to remove endometriosis and cysts. In fact, he hasn't stopped with excitement. Oh a boy and his toy's. ( laughing). Well sad to say I let him down some. How did I do that?

While getting injection 5 you have a Dr. Consultation of what the next steps are. He started by yes, talking about robots going in through vaginal wall, ablation, remove the two hopefully shrunken cyst hanging out fused to organs.  I sat there listening and confused a hysterectomy wasn't being mentioned. So as you always should ladies SPEAK UP to your wants or needs! " ah that's nice in all but I thought you were going to do  a Hysterectomy?" I asked. His face that was lite up like a kid at Christmas went blank. " you still want one? This chemo could have helped, your 36 and this would mean no more babies. You would go right into menopause after the procedure." Confused and afraid he was going to say what they all have said to me, because I am young and had a baby there maybe a chance. So I spoke up. " well this Is what will happen. One, I was already premenopausal before Zoladex. Two I'll get the ablation and cyst remove to only find myself here once again year to two year's down the road in pain once again, putting close to 40 where your going to put me on injections and mention hysterectomy to me. Thirdly looking at my medical records do you think I can honestly have another baby? Fourth what is the difference about menopause than what I'm going through now? I've been for five months now. Also, I DON'T WANT MY PERIOD OR HORMONAL STATE BACK!!! Why be in pain? I love this no period or pain. I'm more myself than I ever have been. I feel normal." He smiled opened my chart And said," I was just checking, playing devil's advocate offering you a way out if you thought you wanted to be a mom again. Looking at your chart, the Zoladex could have helped but no your right. You've done your research on ablations. So ( insert sad face with deep sigh) no robotic procedure. We will go in abdominal lap. Then hormone therapy." I sat there thinking once again processing his words. He said, I would go into full menopause that would only happen if I had a full hysterectomy. " Question,  menopause? That can only happen if I have a full. Partial that wouldn't happen so quickly." I asked. He then said, " oh dear you are getting a full. Your uterus causes the Endo, plus ( dramatically shutting my medical file throwing onto desk.) Have you seen your ovaries? Their a mess. Ovarian cancer runs high in your family, were taking them, getting an ambulation and removing those huge cyst. Might even be a radical hysterectomy if your cervix doesn't look good." Me  " eep. Okay bring it. As long as I don't have my period ever again I'm great."  We shook hands and now I'm seeing a light at the end of my tunnel.

Game plan. Found out injection 6 might not be my last one. Depending on Dr. Answer will be 7 injections instead. Why? Well because they want to do any surgery be it ablation to hyst while your on your injection. In fact the nurse said, They like to have it done two weeks after your last injection, four weeks being the latest. The only time I can have the surgery is Sept. 30 th. A day after my daughter's birthday. Ironic and fitting. Plus, school starting , soccer and birthday I don't want to be out of the game that month. The date I choose is past 4 weeks date. When they told me that it would be problematic and painful once off injections. Thing's would wake up, inflammatory and endo will be mad. 6 months of no period yeah I know you winced like me. Our body will let us know it's thoughts on that topic. I've heard horror stories about when you get off the injection. Sorry ladies it is true from what my nurse said.  You will feel better if you get your procedures done before you end and then your fine. If you wait to have all this done after injections well She told me, You will Not Only be in pain, begging to get back on. So I said why not just give me a 7 th injection. Then I'll be two weeks out for surgery. She will get back with me. Simple really.

I'll keep you posted on that. As for injection 5. Feeling a little queasy but you do your first two weeks of each injection. Headaches again. This week felt horrible cramping like I was in labor. First pain in month's. Did my research, Zoladex can cause your cervix to cramp and contract!  Stay calm, it is short lived or for me three hour's. Each hour it lessened. From 10 to 7 to 3 in intensity. Only happened once so far. Before you call your Dr. In a panic which I didn't, just research and remember this info. You can do this!  Here's to almost being done. Not to bad ladies. You do feel normal and good 90% of the time. Way better than what you have been feeling.

Don't poke the bear

Wouldn't be me if I didn't find humor in what I'm going through with endo, and good old Zoladex.

Feeling Snarky? Comments of all variety coming from you mouth? Low tolerance for well everybody? Hot flashes got you panting? Memory loss such as; locking yourself out of your house while your keys dangle on hook near the door? Tired? Yep your menopausing. Zoladex doesn't fail you here folks. Sad part I prefer this over having my period. Pain free and loving it. You are moody however and sometimes very distant.

Can not say injection 4 hasn't had it's moments emotionally, but as we all know life happens. Loss of a love one, stress at work, not getting along with people who annoy you. Quick temper and easily irritated. Been in funk which this drug helps you go quickly into depression. Pull yourself out. My friends and boyfriend especially has been a blessing this past month. "All you need is love." "Laughter too." Amazing how much a hug or kind word pulls you back up to fighting stance. Hoping all of you going through this or about to has this support. Your going need it. Remember: people forget your on chemo/ HRT because your taking it like a pro and strong, not complaining. So when you snap, not feeling yourself kindly remind them what your taking.

This past month I've had an increase of headaches. Some mild hair loss not bad just shed more hair. No worries your not going bald. Special note I did gain a few only a few pounds. This was not the drug, this was me and poor eating habits due to some stresses in my life. I've lost it again because yes Exercise. I know, I know I say this every post but it bares repeating. Besides that you do hit funks, low points. Noticed a lot more bruising and varicose veins yuck! Your joints are more tender too.

Oh another thing to mention. When you do a lot of ab workouts you feel your injection and don't feel good by bed time. Goes away. This may just be me. Also would like to add drinking alcohol does funky stuff to. Your body can only handle a few. You start feeling sick and tipsy quicker. Not to mention a depressant while on Zoladex well you know you will not be a ray of sunshine. This is coming from an Irish women who can handle her alcohol. I don't drink every day mind You.Please Becareful,  know your limit and listen to your body.

That about cover's injection 4. Staying positive and besides all the minor stuff, you feel more normal than ever. You can handle these hormone swings way better than endo one's. Very relaxed at times and the no pain or period's AWESOME. So worth it. Hang in there my endo sister's.