Hysterectomy warrior

    Okay ladies, what's done is done. Eleven day's ago I had my LSH ( Laparoscopy Subcervical Hysterectomy.) They took my ovaries, uterus and made a cervical cuff. I'm now part of another group Hystersisters. Highly recommend this online group once you have your Hysterectomy, very helpful. Not to mention the support you will need to walk you through a new page of your life.

The seven month's of Zoladex was worth it. My two large cyst fused by endometriosis shrunk. Plus, I feel this drug throwing me into menopause helped prepare me for what to expect after my hysterectomy. Thirty six year's old and menopausal, who joined the ranks of ladies who lost an organ due to this disease.

What was the findings? Well, my ovaries even on Zoladex grew more cyst. A huge fibroid in my uterus. Great news all tested negative for cancer. My Dr. Removed ovaries and uterus to decrease the chance of that turning to cancer. I was running a high risk due to family history. Well and the fact eventually one of those cyst would be cancer. He found more endo under my uterus so he did another ablation.

Okay, downside. I literally died because of endometriosis. ( as in I wouldn't have this surgery if I didn't have it.) Putting a warning out there to You. Know what drug's your body reacts too. I already knew I couldn't take narcotics for pain meds. Even have to have motion sickness patch and other med to stop me from getting violently ill from anaesthesia. Well under they found I had internal bleeding which they were not to concerned because it could have happened from tools going in. Anyways they found a lot of hematomas under my muscles. After surgery all I remember is whispering "cold and in pain." Then they said your going to feel a warm sensation We're giving you diluadid. This folks is a opioid. What I didn't know my body would react to it. Sure enough I flat lined then they brought me back. Didn't find all of it out until just yesterday at my post op visit. How so you might ask?
   
My mom and girlfriend were going to see me in recovery when they were pushed back saying give her 15-20min. To manage pain. Soon they saw me in my room. I remember being told to move to my bed then my mom asking how I feel. They said goodbye and left. Then I remember being told to sit up so they could strap a halter monitor to me and tubes in my nose so I could breathe. At midnight I came to. From then on I was in and out of consciousness. My mom walked in the morning and saw the monitor and oxygen tubes. She then saw on my board AHA diet. ( American Heart Association diet.) Mom began asking questions. See my whole family is in the medical family and my step dad and uncle are heart patients so she knew something was up. One nurse said, " Shouldn't we all be on the diet." Another my guardian angel as I called her said, " Don't worry mom I stayed with her past midnight and my shift to make sure she was okay." That women pushed me to rally bless her. Questions were evaded until I saw my Dr.

Am I scared now knowing yes, but I see it as endometriosis last hold. I gave my life for it and now have a new lease. No not every one will have this problem. Mine is bad genetics. My family makes poor drug addicts.lol. How do I feel sore, tired and learning my limits. Don't push yourself.

Do's : get up walk a little just like laparoscopy the co2 is nasty mistress you must expell.

Get a pillow to hold against your abdomen.

Rest! Don't be a superstar heal your insides are re adjusting.

Have a extra set of hand's to help. You can't drive for two week's or more depending on what you get done.

Ask for coalesce and drink water , be prepared for major constipation. This will pass.

Get a lot of hugs. You need lots of love at this time.

Warning: you get weepy uncontrollable crying. Depressed. Do not make any life changing decisions for awhile, let yourself settle, focus on healing. Your going to get nasty moody. Feel a loss but as I stood in the shower one day I smiled because it's over.

Next week the Zoladex will officially leave my body. I made it! Wipe brow. Now going to learn about hormones. Estridal 1mg is what they are saying for me because I'm young. We will see. I will blog some more in a few week's. Here is something for you there was a women ahead of me for surgery. She was in for her sixth robotic surgery due to Endo. Six! She wants a baby, I pray it work's. See we go through so much just to be a normal women. Hang in there you can do this.
Hoped this has helped.

Attached are pics of my recovery board and my healing incisions. A lot better than back in the day when they cut into your abdominal. 

Mandi Endometriosis / Hysterectomy warrior.

Keeping Faith

As I prepare myself for my surgery that will happen later tonight I found myself in deep thought. Praying harder than I have before for all to go well. Then it dawned on me. Have you ladies ever asked why me? Then noticed we are not just a women with high pain tolerance, We're all strong women period. Even at our worst lying on floors curled up in pain, crying in agony. That is not a sign We're weak. God or who ever you choose to believe gave us this because we can handle it more than the women next to us.
     Seriously, any women I've known with endometriosis has possessed strong characteristics. We're able to say, " all right that was bad but I really need to get this chore, errand, work, study and etc... done." We may pause then just go about our day. Then I noticed something deeper. Which just may be me who feels it but my Faith is what has truly picked me up and pulled me through this last 7 month's on this injection. Faith has been my greatest strength through it all.

    Yes, it is good to have friend's, husband's, wives and family help us through and support us. What if they fail? Faith is the one consistent thing in our lives.  I'm going to hold on tight to this thought today. Think positive, keep the Faith. 

Depressed state of mind

  Seventh injection! Really I would jump up and down if I had the emotion to care. Yep girl's depression has hit hard. Here I sit waiting to feel something As the world moves about me. I've got nothing except for extreme nervousness for my up and coming surgery.
    So as promised I've kept this going for six months with a bonus round. Here are some questions you and I had about being on Zoladex.
    1.) Weight Gain: yes, but only 5 pounds Ladies and that was only because I ate poorly the last two months. Actually lost the four of the five gained this month. Working out helped. Dr. Said I was one of the healthiest patient's on Zoladex with little weight gain. He has seen it go as far as 20 pounds. Some lose, some gain. Take care of yourself you will do fine. Not as bad as we thought.
    2.) Lack of sex drive: yes and no. Went in waves. As long as your partner who show's great compassion you will be fine. Vaginal dryness is a yes, so lubrication is a most.
    3.) Depression: check, check , Check. Don't let this get you down. Herbal teas will help. Try not to get stressed out. Easier said then done. My down fall was a loss of a family member and relationship woes. This stuff does make you irrational. Suggestions have a friend you can bounce those crazy thoughts too. This helps you through the crazy.
    4.) Hot Flashes: um running around naked and laying in a snow bank sound's divine at this point. YES!! Be prepared they suck! Light breathable clothes. Alcohol makes them flare up more. Still will take it over my period.
    5.) Insomnia: Yes! Your so tired during day. Due to hot flashes as you sleep and mind constantly going you barely sleep.
     6.) Pain: Here and there. Had one feel like I was in labor. Yes, that is common. Lovely right. Went away in a few hour's. We've had worse pain girls. Feel some cramping but the more crappy eating I did the more I felt it.
    7.) Headaches: yes keep advil handy their frequent enough to be a pain in the behind.
    8.) Mood changes: YES your a "B*#ch". No joke it is hard to handle your temper. Becareful. Go scream in a pillow, walk away. Foot in mouth a lot. You don't even mean it, no filter slips out.

So there you have it. I'll write more later this week. Here you are. Hoping this has been helpful.  There was a funny part to this last injection. The nurse taking my blood pressure. " wow your hot! No your burning up!" Me, " giggle, this is just the start of my hot flash. Haven't even broke into a sweat yet." The nurse mouth dropped. She gave me my blood pressure numbers. ( awesome by the way) walked away shaking her head. Think I scared her right out of hot flashes.
Hang in there ladies. There is a light At The end of this path.

No filtter

Drum roll please injection 6! Yeah, only this is not my last. Yes they approved number 7. Fun! Not! Yet, this injection has to happen in order for surgery. What's one more month right? I can do this, as I repeat that over and over again. " just keep swimming, swimming, swimming." Yes, can you tell I'm a parent?lol
     Let's play catch up shall we. Injection 5 towards the end started to make me feel neasua around five at night into the wee hours of the morning. Injection 6 has brought a low mild depression, headaches, tiredness and no filter. I like to think of this as "price is right" game show. "Tell her what she has won! Well Bob she has one, one month of saying thing's you usually keep to yourself, headaches, no sleep due to night sweats, bitchy towards everyone, no patient's and depression! Back to you Bob."
    Okay, to be honest I have added stress these past month's which no one should have to have on top of all this. Life happens and you cannot stop a death of a loved one, boyfriend woes, work stress, ex-husband, financial delays, family and anything your child is needing. So verbal purge is what happens. Not just any kind of purging, the stuff you should have filtered before you say. You know " If you don't have anything nice to say don't say it all." That should be me, but it just flies out ladies. Menopause takes no prisoners. Us who are on Zoladex have been thrown into this phase in hyper drive so I believe the crazy is less controllable.
My advice when you feel the anger and rage rise. Quickly grab a pillow or walk away and scream. Your loved one's by this time are growing thin with patient's but if they love you, they will understand. Hug them too. Apologize. Most importantly don't be to hard on yourself. Your going through a lot no matter what injection your taking.
    Have I gained weight? Well yes and no. A pound here and there no more than three. Then I lose it. My motivation this month has been low. Then I watch Lisa on Daily Hiit for workouts and I find my strength to push forward. Due to stress and poor eating habits this month it has been a struggle, but I'm taking it back by jumping on the wagon of health. Yes, you notice if your not being healthy.
    Also my surgery is September 30th. A month away. Full hyst. Even taking the cervix. So What was 2 weeks recovery maybe 4-6 week's. I will keep blogging even after the surgery. Our journey has not ended and I want to give hope, information to all that are going through this. Doesn't end after they remove everything. There is hormone therapy, recovery and how I feel off Zoladex, having a hyst, and more drugs! Fun! Most importantly I do this for Endometriosis Awareness and encouragement to you who are traveling this road. Yes, you can do it. Hugs. I'm always here to lend a smile and strength.

Sincerly ,

Mandi

No more Mr. Roboto injection 5

Okay, laughing at the title, I will share this inside joke to you of course. Why did I title this No more Mr. Roboto? Besides being a great 80's song. This refers to Injection number 5 and my doctor.

You see when I first had my laparoscopy my Dr. Excitedly was talking to my brother and boyfriend about this new procedure using robots to remove endometriosis and cysts. In fact, he hasn't stopped with excitement. Oh a boy and his toy's. ( laughing). Well sad to say I let him down some. How did I do that?

While getting injection 5 you have a Dr. Consultation of what the next steps are. He started by yes, talking about robots going in through vaginal wall, ablation, remove the two hopefully shrunken cyst hanging out fused to organs.  I sat there listening and confused a hysterectomy wasn't being mentioned. So as you always should ladies SPEAK UP to your wants or needs! " ah that's nice in all but I thought you were going to do  a Hysterectomy?" I asked. His face that was lite up like a kid at Christmas went blank. " you still want one? This chemo could have helped, your 36 and this would mean no more babies. You would go right into menopause after the procedure." Confused and afraid he was going to say what they all have said to me, because I am young and had a baby there maybe a chance. So I spoke up. " well this Is what will happen. One, I was already premenopausal before Zoladex. Two I'll get the ablation and cyst remove to only find myself here once again year to two year's down the road in pain once again, putting close to 40 where your going to put me on injections and mention hysterectomy to me. Thirdly looking at my medical records do you think I can honestly have another baby? Fourth what is the difference about menopause than what I'm going through now? I've been for five months now. Also, I DON'T WANT MY PERIOD OR HORMONAL STATE BACK!!! Why be in pain? I love this no period or pain. I'm more myself than I ever have been. I feel normal." He smiled opened my chart And said," I was just checking, playing devil's advocate offering you a way out if you thought you wanted to be a mom again. Looking at your chart, the Zoladex could have helped but no your right. You've done your research on ablations. So ( insert sad face with deep sigh) no robotic procedure. We will go in abdominal lap. Then hormone therapy." I sat there thinking once again processing his words. He said, I would go into full menopause that would only happen if I had a full hysterectomy. " Question,  menopause? That can only happen if I have a full. Partial that wouldn't happen so quickly." I asked. He then said, " oh dear you are getting a full. Your uterus causes the Endo, plus ( dramatically shutting my medical file throwing onto desk.) Have you seen your ovaries? Their a mess. Ovarian cancer runs high in your family, were taking them, getting an ambulation and removing those huge cyst. Might even be a radical hysterectomy if your cervix doesn't look good." Me  " eep. Okay bring it. As long as I don't have my period ever again I'm great."  We shook hands and now I'm seeing a light at the end of my tunnel.

Game plan. Found out injection 6 might not be my last one. Depending on Dr. Answer will be 7 injections instead. Why? Well because they want to do any surgery be it ablation to hyst while your on your injection. In fact the nurse said, They like to have it done two weeks after your last injection, four weeks being the latest. The only time I can have the surgery is Sept. 30 th. A day after my daughter's birthday. Ironic and fitting. Plus, school starting , soccer and birthday I don't want to be out of the game that month. The date I choose is past 4 weeks date. When they told me that it would be problematic and painful once off injections. Thing's would wake up, inflammatory and endo will be mad. 6 months of no period yeah I know you winced like me. Our body will let us know it's thoughts on that topic. I've heard horror stories about when you get off the injection. Sorry ladies it is true from what my nurse said.  You will feel better if you get your procedures done before you end and then your fine. If you wait to have all this done after injections well She told me, You will Not Only be in pain, begging to get back on. So I said why not just give me a 7 th injection. Then I'll be two weeks out for surgery. She will get back with me. Simple really.

I'll keep you posted on that. As for injection 5. Feeling a little queasy but you do your first two weeks of each injection. Headaches again. This week felt horrible cramping like I was in labor. First pain in month's. Did my research, Zoladex can cause your cervix to cramp and contract!  Stay calm, it is short lived or for me three hour's. Each hour it lessened. From 10 to 7 to 3 in intensity. Only happened once so far. Before you call your Dr. In a panic which I didn't, just research and remember this info. You can do this!  Here's to almost being done. Not to bad ladies. You do feel normal and good 90% of the time. Way better than what you have been feeling.

Don't poke the bear

Wouldn't be me if I didn't find humor in what I'm going through with endo, and good old Zoladex.

Feeling Snarky? Comments of all variety coming from you mouth? Low tolerance for well everybody? Hot flashes got you panting? Memory loss such as; locking yourself out of your house while your keys dangle on hook near the door? Tired? Yep your menopausing. Zoladex doesn't fail you here folks. Sad part I prefer this over having my period. Pain free and loving it. You are moody however and sometimes very distant.

Can not say injection 4 hasn't had it's moments emotionally, but as we all know life happens. Loss of a love one, stress at work, not getting along with people who annoy you. Quick temper and easily irritated. Been in funk which this drug helps you go quickly into depression. Pull yourself out. My friends and boyfriend especially has been a blessing this past month. "All you need is love." "Laughter too." Amazing how much a hug or kind word pulls you back up to fighting stance. Hoping all of you going through this or about to has this support. Your going need it. Remember: people forget your on chemo/ HRT because your taking it like a pro and strong, not complaining. So when you snap, not feeling yourself kindly remind them what your taking.

This past month I've had an increase of headaches. Some mild hair loss not bad just shed more hair. No worries your not going bald. Special note I did gain a few only a few pounds. This was not the drug, this was me and poor eating habits due to some stresses in my life. I've lost it again because yes Exercise. I know, I know I say this every post but it bares repeating. Besides that you do hit funks, low points. Noticed a lot more bruising and varicose veins yuck! Your joints are more tender too.

Oh another thing to mention. When you do a lot of ab workouts you feel your injection and don't feel good by bed time. Goes away. This may just be me. Also would like to add drinking alcohol does funky stuff to. Your body can only handle a few. You start feeling sick and tipsy quicker. Not to mention a depressant while on Zoladex well you know you will not be a ray of sunshine. This is coming from an Irish women who can handle her alcohol. I don't drink every day mind You.Please Becareful,  know your limit and listen to your body.

That about cover's injection 4. Staying positive and besides all the minor stuff, you feel more normal than ever. You can handle these hormone swings way better than endo one's. Very relaxed at times and the no pain or period's AWESOME. So worth it. Hang in there my endo sister's.

Take 4

Where did the time go I'm already on injection number 4?  This time no bruise. They put it on the left side. Oh yeah that is what I forgot to tell you. They switch injection spots every other side each month.  So here is my silly theory on this. My left side always goes smoother, mentally, side effect wise etc. Which follows my period's. Left side was always easier. Right side with injections and periods seems to be the bad side. Plus, this is where my endo problems are the worst. Funny that just dawned on me.

Okay, let's see have I gained weight for all of You worried about blog's or websites that say Zoladex does this. Nope actually lost weight. Maybe my body isn't bloating as much. I work out just as I've always have. This might be what normal is like. The working out you have read in all my post is what helps true believer in this.

What is working for me bodyrock (daily hiit). Not just plunging this for them to get more hits on their site. They have free workouts and helps you mentally push yourself and reach goals in your home. They've helped me revamp my body and outlook with positive thinking. This helped me relieve cramps during my period and now mentally while dealing with this drug. Rises your endorphins gives me confidence body wise. Remember this works for me. Find something that inspires you. Yoga, daily hiit training, running, walking, WOD or insanity workout's. This is one of the many keys to help our disease girl's. As I said before my Dr. Said, "25 to 60 minutes three to four days a week will help." He is right.  I'm choosing to be a true warrior. When I work out I imagine beating this disease. I will not become a victim but a fighter.

Other symptoms. Yes, oddly enough you do still feel when you should ovulate even though your not. Still have cravings but this could be sympathy to your girlfriend's / co- worker's cycle's. Headaches, yes a huge increase.. If you've been reading hot flashes are a big check along with water retension. Dizzy and confusion yes once in awhile. Forgetfulness check. Joint pain/ discomfort, once and awhile. Break through periods, not for me woot, woot! Trust me ladies this is the biggest plus to this drug. Hyperglycemia yes, I've always had it but it has become more prevalent.  Easy bruising YES! So annoyed by that. Loss of hair, some but not to noticeable. My hair texture is a tad dry and a lot more does come out along with your normal shedding of hair. So no buying wigs ladies it is small amounts. Breast size decrease, yes I'm down 1/2 cup, no loss there never been that well endowed. Plus side they no longer hurt or tender after injection three.  Oh urinate a lot more frequently was not a joke on this symptom. Think I've drove my coworkers nuts on this. Sometimes you will feel tenderness or a cramp around injection site. Not bad and goes away quickly. Nothing as bad as what we are use to. Your breath is sweeter too which is an interesting side effect.

What's in store? Only the month will tell. They are impressed I'm doing so well on the Zoladex. Remaining positive and have little issues. I said what all patients say, " only two more injections to go." The fifth injection I meet up with my Dr. To discuss surgery. My goal get it done before I have my first period off the Zoladex. Heard it is bad and your begging to get back on just to avoid the pain. If I don't oh well I'm use to it. Endo is an vengeful disease. Just knowing I have the tools to beat it is satisfying enough. The key word staying positive.

Hug to everyone going through this or thinking about it. You can do it. Blog about it. If you don't want to be so public as I am. Write in a journal or communicate to love ones. My goal is to help reach out. Document my journey and Hopefully shed light on all that we all go through.

Huston we have a problem

I wish this could be a happy post but zoladex injection 3 has caused a emotional break down. This drug gets to your head. Is it because what takes years naturally for your body to do, this injection does in a month? Bam menopause. Starting to see why women were put in institutions. Menopause is a beast.

Between communication problem's, misunderstandings while in this state causes a irrational behavior. I once read a women's post who said her doctor or her husband  had a code word "zolly Wolly ". Referring to her being in a bad frame of mind. You get really sad, doubt, worry about every little thing. Yes, well at least for me about having kids or not being able to have them again. My thought process went to a darker thought. What if thing's don't work out with my boyfriend who is going to want a woman of my age who cannot have children? Scars all over her stomach and on hormones for the rest of her life? I can't even cuddle with my child because the hot flashes are so bad. Feel as if I'm rejecting her, have a short fuse etc... what if she's not getting the love I always give her? You keep going deeper and deeper in depression. You feel numb to everything until BAM! It needs to spill out in tears and angst. My dearest girlfriend who I tell my deepest thoughts to caught me. She listened to my irrational side. Gave me words of encouragement and love I so deeply needed to hear over the phone. You see one reason I got so bad was I'm the strong one in my group and family. Usually I have words of wisdom, comfort and knowledge. The strength to hold on. What happens when the strong willed people break down? Who catches them? Answer your closest girlfriend who know you and knows you too have weak moments.

Have heart you pull out of this. Surround yourself with love, physical contact ( hugs) find small things to smile at. Towards the end of the month you feel better. One thing that helped me is herbal teas. Not only did this help with water retension ( which is a cause of such mood swings), it helped get your libido back a little, it calms your mood swings and hot flashes too. Way better than going on all the drug's they want to put you on.

Tea: nettle, dandelion and vitex ( Chaste Tree or Chaste Berry tree). Recognize this my endometriosis friend's? Some of you are probably nodding yes. For this is the same stuff in teas that are recommended to help with our cramps and pain with endo. The only thing you shouldn't take is black chosh at this time. Can't remember why but they said no. This really does help. I take it every other day. I only do Chaste Tree twice a week since it is putting some estrogen in your body but not enough to mess with treatment. My Dr. Approved this. So Please ask your Dr. First.

Okay onto those nasty hot flashes. Yes they get worse. Not so sure summer was a good idea to be on Zoladex. Humidity, plus 88 degrees plus hot flashes equals misery. Cotton, light clothes ladies. Polyester or non-breathable fabric not your friend at this point. They are not just hot fluxes but sweats! Nightly sleep well your going to sleep less sorry. Fans, hardly no clothes and a sheet is all your going to need. Even the sheet is too much at times. Remember your hot flashes are intense you know when your getting them. You go from cuddling to throwing people off you.

I've found certain thing's make the hot flashes worse. Caffeine ( I'll deal love my coffee/ chocolate too much), alcohol only takes one drink to increase these bad boys. Greasy food which this just might be me but it tends to increase them. Also being upset gets them going.

One thing that work's for me to get these in control and water retension down. Working out! Yes, walk, run, body rock (hiit training). This helps you sweat and gets a lot of water out of your body. Ice water lots and lots of water. Eating some what healthy. Very simple thing's but they help.

As for my poor daughter who likes to cuddle. I've told her to squeeze her teddy bear that use to be mine growing up. Every time she hugs the bear he hugs me. Yes, I'll cuddle with her to a point then tell her "mommy is hot." Bless her heart she fan's me or turns a fan on for me. She has seen my stomach with bruises and band-aids. Like you can keep a child from not barging in on you lol. Poor thing goes quiet. I just reassure her it is mommy getting healthy for her and that it is for a short time. Keep my fears, tears away from her as much as I can. She knows the basic. Mommy is sick but getting better. She is the light of my life and helps me through this more than she knows by keeping me going.

Remember your friends sometimes forget you are taking Chemo because you are basically acting normal. They don't know the battle we're fighting in our head and body. Be honest about how your feeling communicate to love one's as much as possible. You tend to get deep in your head. Apologize for outburst. Deep breathes. We're doing this to be pain free. Is it worth it? You will want to say No. Then you say Yes! Plus to this no painful period's. Been so nice not being in complete pain. I spoke with another endo suffer and she summed it up nicely. "Sad that being labor didn't phase me. The pain was not nearly as bad as my periods." This puts what we're going through in perspective, well for me it does. Be Pain Free!

Half way point

Third injection! Only three more to go of Zoladex. Decided to add a picture of what your stomach my look like after an injection gone awry. Actually had a great nurse. She numbed me, waited 5 minutes and slipped the insert in. Didn't even notice 'til I saw her face. " I'm so sorry your bleeding I have to apply pressure. I accidentally ruptured a blood vessel there will be bruising." Hence photo below. This four days old too. Told you, you will bruise easy. So no bikinis for us. Don't know about you but I do not even want my boyfriend to see.
    The only thing going on so far is my hot flashes turned into hot sweats. You have one hot flash and it feels like your dripping in sweat. So bring a towel, stay cool, wear cotton or the lighter the better. These hot flashes are like your skin is on fire and you cannot get cool fast enough.
     To fix this I'm going to try nettle and dandelion tea for reducing water retention and Chase Berry Tree tea if Dr. Approves to natural reduce hot flashes. Keep you posted on how well this helps. More in a week on third injection.

Third verse same as the first

As I finished up month two of Zoladex I experienced what they call the Zolly Wolly's. This a term for holy emotions! Would you like a side of Zanex with that? First off spring/ summer heat wave with a side of humidity mixed with hot flashes YIKES! Let's take that heat/ hot flashes and add water retention. Can we say umpa lumpa and very grumpy. You go from I'll tolerate you, too your jerk, don't touch me, just leave me along in seconds!
       As for weight gain side effect, I've actually lost some and staying about the same. Mind you I'm working out 4-5 days a week. I'm doing Daily Hiit (bodyrocktv) and skimble. Also taking up running. My eating habits are bad once again, so work to going back to eating clean made me feel better and less tired.
      Some side effects I'm experiencing. Bruise, bruise, bruises. You won't even know what you did but you will find you get them so easily. Joint pain, headaches, insomnia and some cramping. I didn't get my period which was the biggest plus. Still had sweet carvings, emotional and some cramps but nothing like what we're  used too.
      The hardest part of all this for me is that my daughter can't snuggle up to me for long before my hot flashes hit. Hard for her to understand mommy can't handle having extra heat while going through one. All I want to do is hold her close. My suggestion ladies ice packs, fans and distance when your angry. Your Going to have a short fuse to thing's that normally wouldn't bug you.
     

Quick to prescribe

Well injection two. They switched sides this time putting it on my left side of stomach. During your injection they ask you about your experience so far on Zoladex. Lucky to have such a supportive nursing staff. They are sensitive, laugh with you, comfort you when upset and let you know their there for you. This is a challenging experience that you feel very alone in. So this helps you vent and helps you feel validated.

There is a flip side to this. Mine is my counselor. Yes, you get a counseling nurse who monitor's you while on treatment. Mine feels like a drop rep pimp, quick to prescribe drugs to help with one side effect to another. Doesn't seem all to bad right? Wrong! You see they give you two sheets of paper to answer questions 1 being Not at all to 5 being all the time. So what are these questions your thinking? Depression questions. Heaven forbid you answer how this past month has made you feel, because you get labeled severely depressed.

The nurse told me that she was going to put me on Prempro for hot flashes and Efexor for depression. I told her I'm not depressed and that everyone once in awhile feels they let someone down or is restless. I've always been restless unable to Sleep etc... I know my body and this is truly hormonal. She didn't listen and said in Two weeks she will check back with me. Finally, and don't be afraid to do this I put my foot down. Told her I was not taking it. I'm happy and just now feeling calm. I'll keep it as back up, but I know my body better than a piece of paper does.

Not only did I shock her there but I blew her out of the water with my next request. I talked to her about wanting my sex drive back. She instantly went into a spiel about how my boyfriend is going to have to be patient, support me in these next 6 months and accept the fact I'll have a low sex drive. Then I said, " Not for him, for me. I want my sex drive back." She was floored. Looked at me oddly. Is that hard to except that yes a women wants her sex drive, or likes sex? I'm 36 not dead. Of course I didn't get any help, just told its only 6 months. I'm not giving up on this topic and will find a natural remedy.

Guess the lesson of this particular blog is only you know your body. Stick up for yourself, research the side effects of what they are giving you.  You have a choice.

As for the second dose it hit me hard that night. I went to bed at Nine pm. To only wake up to let out my dog later that evening. When I woke I was disoriented, dizzy, nauseous and had to hold onto thing's to let the dog out. Once I laid down again I felt better. There is still waves of nausea but not as bad yet at the first dose. Here's to a better month hopefully.

This Girl is on Fire

Injection number 2.  Holy hot flashes. Ladies hold on these bad boy's are rough. Imagine if you will, your just sitting there talking to friend's when all Of the sudden you become so over heated. Your body feels like it's on fire, tingling and waves nausea over come you. You start to sweat and can't get cooled. From fanning yourself to yes sticking yourself in the freezer to find a way to get cool. I regret not doing this in winter. If your anything like me you start to get heat rashes too.

Don't lose faith or think you look crazy fanning yourself, you have to get cool somehow.  Thousands of women go through menopause and can pass secrets of how to get past this. One is chewing on ice cubes, fans and light clothing. There are drugs/ creams too which I have not tried yet. I was prescribed Prempro but I'm waiting to see if I can do the natural route first.
  
Yep you leave the realm of over emotional to hot flashes, night sweats and lack of sex drive. Fun stuff right? Your mood does kilter out some but your appetite changes. So far I've lost interest in food until I get so hungry I finally eat something. Though I have a tendency to over worry in my opinion to weight gain. So this maybe only me who fixates on weight gain. I do continue to work out though you do feel more tired.

Confusion is unfortunately part of this being thrown into menopause. So if you find yourself standing there for what seems minutes trying to figure out what your doing hang in there. This to shall pass with time. I hope.

Good night ovaries

Panic attack! After just getting done with my period 17 day's later I got one again! Of course you call your Dr. In a panic, " Is this normal?" Yes! I was told. The zoladex boosted Your hormones into hyperdrive speeding up ovary production/ cycle. Hence the over flow of emotions previously mentioned in my blogs. While your on your period the Zoladex is putting your ovaries to sleep. This my friends is their last hoorah. There should be no more, but they did say there can be spotting and it is possible to have a light one. Everybody is different

You will be told that this last period will be really painful or easy.  Mine was easy due to the fact my last one was horrible because of the surgery.  The only complaints I have is it is long. Really long. Some cramping, yes your endo symptoms are very much present. Bathroom issues, headaches, sore body and sorry guys really swollen chest.

The next mood to follow is that cold, shallow, meh mood that hits. Your numb and quick tempered. My sex drive has gone up, down and back. You also don't feel like socialization. Pull yourself out of rut go be human trust me you will feel better.

As you can tell my nausea has left somewhat. Only is around in mornings. have not had much of an appetite and actually lost a pound. You Will have dizzy spells and feel faint. Keep working out, eat as best you can. Focus on your family, loved ones and hang on tight.

Emotion hyperdrive

Well get ready ladies, your no longer in charge of your hormones. You know how were so emotional during PMS? Times that times 20.. Your weepy, over happy, quick tempered and might as well wear duct tape around your mouth.

This past week I've been up and down with emotional outbursts. Little things become huge. Crying one second over something to angry outbursts. Warn your love one's. " wooohooo please step away from the hormonal women she will go off. Thank you have a good day." Really your spouse, significant other, fiancé etc.. need to be warned and be strong. Thing's will and can get intense. Almost lost my boyfriend this weekend due to episode of coldness and Bitchy comments. You take everything more personal than normal.

You know how you have that one person that takes all your patience to tolerate? Put distance between you and them. Trust me. Your tolerance goes out the window. More than normal. How did I find this out? My ex husband was speaking on speaker phone to our child. Not only did his voice sound like nails on chalk board I felt a rage in me I've never felt. Almost left the room I grew so angry for no reason. So for now on I text.

A reminder that the emotional over drive is due to an increase of hormones before your body shuts down. Everything is on hyperdrive. So grab a box of tissues, a pillow to scream in and duct tape for your outbursts. Sending out hugs to you who are dealing with this. Remember our goal pain free.

Uncontrollable weeping and nausea please

Yeah you read it right side effects of Zoladex have started. You know how you cry while pmsing? From sappy commercials, to anything that tugs at your heart and poof you cry. Well this is worse. Have you seen the movie Bedazzled with Brandon Fraser? There is a part where he asked to be more sensitive, next you see him crying over every little thing. Yeah that's me. First You cry because your not feeling good, then you cry because your crying about not feeling good, to only cry more because your crying about crying over something so dumb, which you begin to get the picture. I'm am not this emotional normally.

    Sunday the nausea set in. Hit me like a wave, started with a scent of something and bam! For a few hour's I felt Ill. Except there was something familiar about this feeling. There was only one other time I felt this queasy feeling. Not flu nausea.... As I said to a friend it was as if I pregnant with morning sickness.

     Funny I said that because Monday the nausea got worse. So I called my Dr. Office to see if this was going to get even more intense and what I could do. The nurse practitioner told me this interesting fact: As you know your hormones are on a high. Your nausea your feeling is your hormones rising to high levels. This makes your body act as if you were pregnant on your 1st trimester. How was you Morning sickness when you were pregnant? I began to cry, this is why it felt familiar. I answered in tears," bad I was so sick for the whole nine months, that they put me on anti-nausea medication, because I couldn't keep anything down." The nurse then said, well any foods that you think helped you a little then will help now. I can call meds. In for you. You need to eat. How is you heightened sense of smell? I teared up again, bad and no food sounded good like now. Of course I turned down the meds until today ( Wednesday). The good thing my hormones will shut down by the end of next week. Bad thing I think nausea might stay.

     The nurse and I also talked about the other big issue I am terrified about. WEIGHT GAIN.  Since I had her on the phone. Not every one gains weight she said. To eat good carbs ( fruits, veggies, whole grains), less process food, small portions, workout from 30-60mins. a day and gluten free/ clean eating. She said this will help the killer period I'm about to have. Ladies your endo symptoms do increase this month. Already feeling them. My right hip hurts so bad. Only good thing increase libido. The over flood of emotions bad....

Zoladex injection Take one

April 4th, 2013 at 4pm I recieved my first injection of Zoladex.

Questions:

Did it hurt? No, they place litocane on your abdomen and rub it into the muscle so your don't feel the capsule they are injecting under your skin. I laid there for five minutes for the cream to absorb. The nurse said, " You will feel a pinch and some discomfort." All I  felt was  what can be described as a pin prick and was shocked it was done with in a seconds.

Does it bruise? Yes, a little but not bad at all. Very tiny.

Does it hurt the whole day? Not really, some stiffness but really you carry on not noticing unless your jeans rubbed up on it. Then it was just an annoying feeling.

Can you carry on with normal activities? Yes, though I choose not to workout because I did not want to rush the Zoladex into my system, rather take it slow and see how my reaction would be.

Can you workout? Yes, they recommend you do while on this drug. One of the side effects from my research is weight gain, due to water retention, and I personally don't want to gain  what I am working so hard at lossing. So my goal maintain. There are reports of losing weight. Plus Working out helps the pain!

Did you feel anything the first night? Yes, I got really cold when my house was 70 degrees. Also got light headed and sat down. After an hour I was fine. This occurred three hours after the injection. Think it was just on my mind so I did things to not think about it.

( To my family and friends I love you, you have been awesome handling my mood swings before this, please hang on it is going to be a bumpy ride before it gets better.)

Zoladex:

Zoladex (Goserelin) Therapy:  Chemotherapy. This changes the way your body produces hormones and causes the body to temporarily stop production of estrogen and proestrogen in order to help your condition which is worsened by the overproduction of these hormones.

This is to be taken a total of six times in a six month period and has to be done so every 28 days on time or the drug will lose it's effect.

First month what to expect: Trust me I will let you know how this goes. All about being real and honest about this therapy to help guide you. This is what I was told and on the sheet given to me.
The first dose may result in heavy painful periods since it will at first stimulate your hormonal production for the first 7-14 days, then supresses hormone production afterwards. *Your first dose does not stop your period, so expect one on your first injection* and the next five to stop you menstrual cycle. While your hormone levels are adjusting to Zoladex, you may notice *your symptoms of endo INCREASE this is ONLY TEMPORARY during first month*.

Common Side effects: (reminder this is Chemotherapy)
Hot flashes, sweating, headaches, dizziness
Mood Changes, increased or decreased interest in sex ( My Dr. says there is a cream for that lol)
Vaginal dryness
Initial breast swelling or tenderness in the first month
Bone pain
Diarrhea, constipation
Sleep problems insomnia
Acne, mild skin rashes or itching
Weight gain, loss of appetite, weight loss can go either way. (Contact Dr. if your weight gain is fast)
Limit your drinking
Nausea
Hair loss
Facial hair
Increase heart rate (Contact Dr. if it gets to be a concern.)
( This is what I have found so far. There are bigger underlining allegeric reactions, you can find this all online.)

Recommended
Lots of rest
Diet and exercise.

Okay folks I will check back in at the end of this week.
So far day three, loss of appetite and waves of nausea. Was really dizzy but it passed. Going to go onto a gluten free/ sugar free diet or at least Clean eating to help with inflamation. I know this is bad but I can't go with out my coffee, I can only give so much to this darn endo. I'm a single mother/ teacher who needs her coffee fix or doom to us all. However, that being said I will lower my intake of it.  Will discuss Endo diets later. Take a look I dare you. Basically, they want us to eat like rabbits. Grr. This is no fun. For workouts I am going to do Bodyrock or dailyhiit and run.

My endometriosis story

     For those of you who do not know me I suffer from Endometriosis and PCOS (Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrom). As I mentioned in my first blog Living with an invisible illness I am documenting my journey of living with and treatments of Endometriosis. Hoping that this helps others to understand just what this disease is. To provide humor, encouragement for those of you women going through this and for our loved ones who are trying to understand. Plus, after endless searches on Hormone Suppression and Zoladex I decided  it is high time some one blogs their 6month journey of what I am finding they call "ZOLLY." Lets face it there is too many snip its of one's experience and not enough of what to expect while going through treatment. Yes, I know that our experiences maybe slightly be different but for me I'm the type of person who likes to wrap my head around just what to expect than be caught off guard.

 
     Remember reading my first blog. Go back and re-read the part where they say there is help/ options/ medicine and that can help us lead pain free lives. Once you read this or other stories of other women online who are suffering, your going to think "WHAT!" These side effects of the medication, therapy is just as bad as endo itself.  "Pain Free." Are they kidding?  Yes I would like a side of weight gain, water retention, be a emotional wreck with vomiting plus, more various side effects for 500 please. Well be nice! They don't know any better, because their not living in our bodies. I don't know about you but I'm tired of being like this. Each experience with Endo is unique and different. One thing that most of us share except for a few lucky ones is the pain, mood swings and not feeling well normal. We walk around in this life Half a Women. We are Zombies! instead of our bodies saying "BRAINS" our bodies are saying "HORMONES! ESTROGEN!" No one realizes we don't get hormones, and when we do our bodies go, "A muck, A muck, A muck." . So let's dive into my experience shall we.

       Okay, background first. I know a lot of you women with Enodmetriosis have some what similar stories of mis-diagnoses.Well here is mine to add onto the various others. Ever since I started my menstrual cycle things have been awry. Serve pain, outrageous bleeding, break through bleeding, no period, to three month long periods, to thin of a uterus lining, headaches, uncountable  mood swings, depression, battling weight, hypoglycemic, fatigue, anemic the list goes on.. My GYNO at first wrote this off as mittelschmerz ovulation ( pain felt while ovulating). I was then given pain meds and told to take Ibuprofen a week before my cycle started, use a heating pad and soon it would be all over. YEAH RIGHT! Sound familiar ladies? So I took a lot of pain med's to dull the pain and moved along with life, hidding my pain, knowing deep down inside something was not right. None of my other friends are feeling this much pain with their cramps and their PMS seems to go away after a few days.Why am I so different? This how I felt for a long time.

   Once in college the pain got worse, so bad that I ended up in the ER because my stomach wouldn't stop hurting for a month. Burning, aching and the worst cramps you could imagine. My friend found me huddled in the corner of the girl's bathroom crying because I could not move from the pain. Only my mother at this point saw me in this much pain, so for a friend to see me this way was rare. She of course was concerened. The ER visit turned up with the same diagnoses as last mittelschmerz  with some possible ovarian cyst that ruptured. "This is normal." I was told by an ER Nurse. "Some women have worse periods than other women."  I was very quickly dismissed and sent on my way to cope with the pain. This went on for another two weeks until my mother drove to my college, picked me up and bless her heart demanded a Laparoscopy. She had this funny feeling I maybe suffering from what she did. Endomoetriosis. So at 19 that is exactly what they did.

    The finding of my first lap was a hydatid cyst of morgagni arise from para-mesonephric, mesothelial, or mesonephric remnants. Lamen terms when we are embro's our bodies are trying to figure out what sex were going to be. A hydatid cyst of morgagni in some women is what is left of the male remnant (stalk) that usually goes away in time or absorbed by the body once our sex is determined (this was how it was explained to me I am no Dr.). I was the first case in my small town hospital that the doctors had seen there. Well my body decided to grow a cyst on that stalk which can cause torsion on the follopian tube causing acute pain. Mine was hiding behind my left ovary, taking on it's own blood supply and the size of a soft ball. The doctors even side is plusated to my heart beat. Grossed out yet? They also found my right ovary  was  a mess and what they call a  Hydrosalpiax of the fallopian tube and my uterus was inflamed with a thin lining from constant bleeding, due to the fact I had a period on top of this pain for three months. While the doctor's where in there they also decided to have a pow wow as they told me.Why? Well because my appendix looked inflamed so they took it out. They told my mom I must have a high pain tolerance because even they would have not been able to go through that long in pain. Later in my medical records the removal of ny appendix reads, "The appendix was attached to the abdominal wall by a pearl like webbed structure. We had to detach the appendix from the wall in order to get it out. The patient also suffers from many lesions from cysts and scar tissue. No Endometriosis was found." My Endometriosis Dr. now finds this funny because yes my friends, that was ENDOMETRIOSIS starring them in the face. Goes to show how little they knew of the disease back in ready for it 1997. 

Some fun Definitions for you: (Ovarian torsion refers to the complete or partial rotation of the ovary on its ligamentous supports, often resulting in impedance of its blood supply. It is one of the most common gynecologic emergencies and may affect females of all ages. The fallopian tube often twists along with the ovary; when this occurs, it is referred to as adnexal torsion. Prompt diagnosis is important to preserve ovarianand/or tubal function and to prevent other associated morbidity. However, making the diagnosis can be challenging because the symptoms are relatively nonspecific.

Isolated torsion of the fallopian tube is less common, but may also occur and adversely impact tubal function. Tubal torsion may occur either in the mid-portion of the tube itself or around the ligamentous supports of the tube. ~ Explatation taken from a medical website.)

Interesting fact I found once researched my condition I had with my Right Ovary. Found off from Livestrong.com

Hydrosalpinx

Hydrosalpinx describes a swollen, misshapen, fluid filled and dilated fallopian tube. Both endometriosis and pelvic infections can cause hydrosalpinx. Because the tube is abnormally dilated, a fertilized egg can't pass through it to the uterus. Hydrosalpinx fluid is also thought to have a toxic effect on both the lining of the uterus and the embryo, creating even more obstacles to pregnancy, the Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago states. Many fertility specialists recommend removing hydrosalpinx affected fallopian tubes surgically, since pregnancy won't occur naturally and the toxic fluid can decrease the chance of success even with in vitro fertilization.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/141002-diseases-fallopian-tubes/#ixzz2Pk1reWCJ
  
   Moving along, since there were many lesions on my ovaries and a supper thin lining of the uterus they decided that I was PCOS(they were partially right about me having PCOS but I didn't know that there is two kinds of PCOS. The one  I have is Estrogen based to match my Endo and I was being treated for the other one with is  testosterone based. So they raised my estrogen.) OOPS! Hhormone therapy that I went through at this time was used in order to thicken my  lining to decrease inflammation and pain. This was also the first time I was told my right ovary is only going to fire a few eggs in my life time if at all. PCOS may also cause me to be infertile. I was 19 years old at the time. 

     The specialist  put me on Birth control pills. Only I was instructed not to take the placebo portion and just keep taking the pill. This caused me not to have a period for three months.Did it work? Yes for three months, then my periods were back with a vengeance. To go along with this I  was never told I needed to stop eating  sugar or eat special food to stop the inflammations of PCOS. Was just told to work out to elevate some of the pain. Which could have been helpful. To my shock my Gyno told me to start having babies now. That  my chances were slim and it would stop the pain I was going through. Yeah you read that right a 19 year old being told to start getting pregnant because it was believed to stop the pain.  How many endometriosis patients were told this? A lot of us were told this and guess what it is the biggest myth out there.As one could imagine I spiraled into a depression. I wasn't ready to have babies, didn't hav a boyfriend at that time, I wanted to go to college finish being an Anthropologist and have my selfish part of my life. So I came to terms that I may not ever have kids. 

(side note: I was very athletic so this may have helped some of the more serve pain. Soccer, Swimming and Running always helped ease the cramps. When I ended up getting stress fractures in my shins I was told to stop running for a year. The cramps intensified. I was good at hiding this pain. Like an eating disorder you become a pro at not letting people know just how much you hurt for their sake.)

    Further down the road in college I was in and out of the specialist, with more cyst rupturing, pain and wild mood swings  I was told by my college gyno to stop Birth Control pills due to the fact my body was throwing me into erratic mood swings, depression and weight gain. I was 21 years old.  So once again I dealt with the pain, excepting what the doctors were saying, "It's just your PCOS, or you just ovulating, a cyst ruptured, blah, blah, blah,  no one was listening to me so I gave up.Raise of hands of you who did the same thing. That screw it atitude, I'll just deal with it. Two weeks before your peroid you hunkered down at night, with heating pads, dim lights for the headaches, sappy load music to hide your crys, loads of pain meds and laid there until it passed. I never let the pain stop me from my daily life, not for a second, I wasn't going to let my body win that way, just increased the pain meds and moved forward. (I'm very stubborn.)

    It wasn't until I was 25 and living with my fiance in Seattle, WA. When I started having more episodes of abdominal pain and panic attacks. I found that there was a great women specialist center making huge strides in endometriosis and PCOS. So I contacted them and went in for answers of why.  The center again poked and probed me. The Doctor there took my previous medical records and told me what I always had knewn. She feared that  I could no longer have kids and I did in fact have signs of Endometriosis with serve scarring of the uterus from the cysts rupturing. Being told I could not have kids was nothing new. Endometriosis became my focus and as all of you who suffer have done is researched it. I soon became obsessed with diet (but not the endo diet) and working out. By this point the no sugar thing, well I knew better I cut back some but CHOCOLATE, I love Chocolate. That and I lived in Seattle to ,Starbucks coffee two evils as you have learned are not Endo or PCOS friendly. Yet to this day I continue both.That is my own fault and yes, I know brings more imflamation.

   I considered myself lucky to be marrying a man who had two beautiful children. To me this was the next best option, since I was told I could never have children or so I thought. At the age of 28, five months after I was married and what one can only explain an emotional mess, nauseaous, in pain, breaking out in hives and no appetite. Was I pregnant? No I couldn't be. I took a pregnancy test just in case. The test came up negative which threw me into a tail spin of what was my body doing now? One point I was crying on the phone to my mother and a few select family and friends sobbing  that I could never have kids, how unfair, insert hormonal outburst. My mom saying, "Wow you have to be pregnant for such outburst." No, the test said so I would cry back. 

     Once again  I went to the specialist for help. Guess what?  My blood test said, "I was pregnant." Out of all the odds I was to have a child.Even my doctors were shocked! In 2006 at the age of 29, ten years after being told to start having babies because later in life I couldn't, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Truly blessed and worth the nine months of being sick, put on high risk due to being RH negative (A- blood type.). See my cards were stacked against me. For some reason God blessed me. To those of you who can not have babies due to this. Hold heart, I feel for you the most, have faith there is options. I say this with saddness, your pain rings through all of us. Sometimes I  feel guilty that I beat the odds and had a child, in the same breathe she is a pure gift and I will love her more than she will ever know.

     Best part after I had my baby and for a year, one whole beautiful year  no painful periods. I did however have the baby blues, not postpartum, just the blues. Were they right? Did this stop the pain? AHHH NO! Endometriosis just spread, what a better way than to have a baby grow to push and shift things around. Your extra hormones feeding it. The next six years and one marriage later the pain got worse, erratic mood swings, headaches and etc.. But to my readers I really didn't complain about it, always smiled and moved on through my day. I had to be a mother, wife, daughter, niece etc... and did not let this stop me. Some of you who have known me for years are reading this and are finding out for the first time just how much pain I was really hiding and going through.

    Now I am 35 going to be 36 in two weeks and I finally sought help due to my family and boyfriend asking me to. They didn't want me to go through anymore pain. Which again for some of  you, you know just how they feel because your watching your family and friends go through this with you. The worried look.  Look of helplessness, frustration with you due to your constant erratic mood swings, sadness, holding of your hand while you double over in pain before straightening yourself out while saying with teeth clenched, "I'm fine. I'll be okay." Biggest lie we have ever told just to ease their pain. I started to document my symptoms each month they were increasingly worse, pain across my hip, pelvis, having trouble going to the bathroom, couldn't lay on my right hip, so much pain that I was doubling over once my child was asleep, then I noticed my shortness of temper, erratic mood swings and low patience  was affecting my daughter and family.  I agreed to see one more specialist.
     
    As I looked at my daughter I had a growing fear did I pass this on to her?. Actually, called my insurance and asked who is the best Endometriosis center in MI.  They told me where it was and that they cover it. Why not right? After that I researched the Doctor and found he was making head way with the disease. Using new techniques and giving us endo patients what we call hope. For the very first time in my life there was Doctor willing to listen, to care and get this said, "I know you've been in a lot of pain and I am here to help you. Your suffering from a very real disease."  Shocking right? I was in disbelief but he hit the ground running and before you knew it test were being run on the first visit. 

    After being poked, probed, biopsied in the cervix my Dr. spotted something.  (**IMPORTANT INFO:  My ultra sound turned out with what looks to be a fibroid in my uterus, the biopsy of my cervix came back negative for Endometriosis, but this is very common find in endometriosis patients because this just means it is else where so don't lose faith, it is there. They don't call this invisible disease for nothing. It is good as masking itself as other symptoms or disorders. Heck it is a sister to IBS, PID and more.**) My FSH and LH hormone levels is what tipped my doctor off . They were extremely low as in not there this is what they call Ovarian Failure, or Pre-menopausal. Being 35 this is frowned upon because it is to early for women to go through the "change". Also is a marker for several issues such as , cancer, pituitary tumor, endometriosis and much more. So a month ago today I got my second laparoscopy.

     Let's cover Laparoscopy for a brief second. A lot of you have already had many, this is for those of you going through it the first time. I found on the web the best advice ever. So I am passing it onto you to ease your anxiety of having one. Yes, they pump your abdomen full of Co2 which allows them to move around your cavity.They are tiny incisions made in the belly button, on you pubic area and side of your stomach. Scaring is small. Hey I see this as battle wounds, Scars of pride. Now have two sets of them. The procedure is fast 30mins tops.Unless they find something that requires more. You will be loopy but on pain meds. Unless your like me and can not take any narcotics due to allergies (I make a bad drug addict). Then your given high dose of Ibuprofen. You will sleep a lot for two days. PLEASE Sit up, walk around the Co2 release goes into your shoulders and neck, it will be a lot worse of a discomfort if you don't move around allowing the gas to expel. Yes is is painful when it sits between your shoulder blades and neck, but not as bad as your peroids. Take a hot bath or showers with Epsom Salt this too pulls the Co2 out. Wear lose fitting sweat pants your belly will look like your pregnant for two weeks. Plus, the incisions are touchy. Do not drink Soda/ pop for the next few days this makes the Co2 worse.You will be very gasey along wtih this. Bleaching and yes expelling gas. Okay, onto the most important information that my Dr./ nurses forgot to tell me. ***After 4-5 days your going to feel the worse crippling pain in your abdomen. Don't worry this is the local anaesthetic they used to numb your reproductive organs with wearing off! No Lie's this hurts. Also ladies I know we think we're super hero's because we can battle pain like no one else but do not over do the walking around, it will catch up with you!! Trust me I found out the hard way and had to sit for an hour in my car after I thought I could catch up on some errands. HA! As my boyfriend says, "Just because you can doesn't mean you should."  This procedure is not bad and you recover very fast.

   Findings: I indeed have Endometriosis, stage 3 going on 4. Unfortunately I am one of the few who feels the pain at this stage. I had six rather large cyst. Four he was able to lance and drain, he also did an ablation and made an extra incision because he needed to move some things around to only find two large cyst fused to my old appendix scar, attached to my abdominal wall, bladder, uter and Uterus. They are all fused together by drum roll, ENDOMETRIOSIS!!!  So that appendix they removed at 19 that was fused to my abdominal wall was the stomping ground to the endo. They unknowingly helped it spread. The cysts all came back non-cancerous, but he suspects my Uterus to have a fibroid because it is very inflamed and swollen. The endo has taken over my whole right side of the body, infecting my sciatic nerve, bladder, rectum, lower part of my kidney, uterus and right ovary. I am not the worse he has seen but I am not the best either. So we discussed my options and this is where Hormone Suppression came in.
    
     He could not remove the two cysts because they are to big and attached/ fused to the my urter and he couldn't in his right mind surgically remove them with out nicking the urter causing toxins  to spill in my body which is bad as you all know. The hormone suppression is used to shrink down the cysts, stop my production of estrogen which feeds the endometriosis and throws me into menopause also stopping the pain. After 6 months of this therapy he will go in and remove these cyst and give me something I have wanted for so long after having my daughter a hysterectomy. This will forever end my battle it is getting to that light of being pain free that is the journey I speak of. My doctor agreed to my Hysterectomy only because I showed my knowledge as you all should! The fact is I will only be back 6 months to a year later getting yet another lap, ablation and repeat.Only to be told in two years I will  need a hysterectomy or worse that I have cancer. Plus, just because my cyst were Benin this time, does not mean the next time around they will. The older we get the quicker this turns to cancer. Fibroid's and cyst are pre-cursors to cancer. How do I know this research and this happened to my family. Yes, to add onto all of this I am by record the 8th generation of women in my family to have this disease. Not only that I am the same age my mother was when she was diagnosed with Uterine cancer and had a hysterectomy she was then placed on thyroid medicine because she suffers from a hyperthyroid. My cousin now shares this same fate with me. Not only does she have endo  she suffers from the sister to endo interstitial cystitis.

    Now for  those of you reading this for support, or have gone through this or are facing the same fate as I. I choose Zoladex over Lupron. Have you see the side effects of Lupron? Yeah right there is no way I am taking Lupron plus. the stories alone about it are scary.  HRT/ Chemotherapy is what we call this. In other words small doses of chemo is being put into our body. These injections are used on Prostate cancer patients, Breast Cancer patients and yes us Endo patients. A new aggressive therapy that is suppose to work. What they do is  inject a small capsule under your skin in the abdomen. This is will release slowly into your system for 28 days until your next injection. My next blog will be about how these injections are going. I'll document any side effects, mood swings, or as they call the "Zolly Wolly's." Again I am hoping this helps those of you going through this or thinking about it.

Living with an invisible Illness

A cry heard from all around the world filled with women's voices that echo of pain. Doctor's pushing them off, or misdiagnosing the problem. We're fighting for our lives, a chance to be pain free, hell to be normal, to understand why we hurt. What am I rambling on about ENDOMETRIOSIS.  For those of you who don't know what this it, it is a very real crippling disease that women have been suffering with for ages.

Endometriosis is an invisible disease that takes over our body, not just our reproductive organs literally our whole body. My blog is dictated to bring awareness to the world of this disease, document my journey on Zoladex, comfort those who are suffering, family and friends who want to understand and help us cope and to give one more voice to this invisible monster that has taken my life and other's by storm. This is a journey of my battle and how I am becoming a warrior instead of a victim.



  

Endometriosis ( copied from Endometriosis Foundation of America)

What is Endometriosis?

During monthly menstruation, the female body sheds the endometrium - uterine lining - in the process commonly known as a "period". In women and girls who have endometriosis, some of these menstrual fluids are retained in the body and abnormally implant in areas outside of the uterus. These implants, or nodules, eventually accumulate on the bladder, bowel, ovaries, cul de sac, and other nearby organs, leading to the development of adhesions, scarring and invasive nodules. This can cause symptoms that vary from painful periods, chronic pelvic pain, infertility, pain associated with intercourse and sexual activity to painful bowel movements, rectal pain and urinary pain or difficulty.

A common myth about endometriosis is that the more endometrial cells accumulated in the body outside of the uterine cavity, the more pain it causes for the woman. Any amount of endometriosis can cause pain, and the disease does not need to be advanced to cause significant symptoms.  Likewise, higher stage (3 and 4) disease may cause little to no symptoms in some women.  Situations vary; moderate growth can trigger intense pain in some women while advanced growth causes less severe pain in others. Every woman's situation is unique and therefore expert medical evaluation is absolutely essential.

No consensus has been reached on the definitive cause of endometriosis, though stem cells, genetics, dysfunctional immune response, and environmental triggers may all be part of the multi-factorial origin of the disease.  A woman or girl with a mother who has endometriosis is seven times more likely to have the disease herself; endometriosis is also associated with other autoimmune disorders such as thyroid disease.

Despite the confusion and misinformation continuing to surround the disease, the profound, agonizing pain caused by endometriosis is actually treatable, and in many cases quite successfully. Unfortunately, due to a lack of societal and medical community awareness, women are frequently directed to "manage" their discomfort for years with powerful painkillers and hormones - but these only mask symptoms of the condition. What's more, many patients are incorrectly informed by their doctors and treated for symptoms but not endometriosis, which consequently causes a long delay in effective treatment. This dangerous result has led to many "hit or miss" surgeries and thousands of unnecessary hysterectomies. Laparoscopic Excision Surgery - deep removal of all disease from all areas including bowel, bladder and beyond - is an effective, organ-sparing option; ideally performed by experienced, specialized surgeons with dedicated, multidisciplinary medical teams.

Endometriosis Facts & Statistics

• Most women with endometriosis suffer pain—and present symptoms—up to a full decade prior to diagnosis.
• Approximately 176 million women and girls worldwide suffer from endometriosis; 8.5 million in North America alone.
• Associated costs of the disease are estimated to be a staggering $22 billion annually.
• The average woman is 27 when she is first diagnosed with endometriosis.
• Endometriosis is one of the top three causes of female infertility. While it is one of the most treatable, it remains the least treated.
• Abdominal and bowel symptoms linked to endometriosis are commonly misdiagnosed as Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).
• Endometriosis is often misdiagnosed as Pelvic Congestion or Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID).
• Many infertile women with endometriosis experienced debilitating painful periods as teenagers but were misdiagnosed.
• Many women suffer silently because they feel that their pain, especially pain associated with sexual intercourse, is just too personal to discuss with their gynecologist. This is more common in some cultures than others.
• Many cases of endometriosis can be successfully treated with Laparoscopic Excision Surgery. Hysterectomy should only ever be considered as a last resort. There is no oral medication to cure endometriosis.

Symptoms of Endometriosis

Endometriosis is much more than simple “killer cramps.” It can cause symptoms varying from painful periods (called dysmenorrhea), to pain with sexual activity (referred to as dyspareunia), to gastrointestinal and urinary tract difficulties (respectively referred to as dyschezia and dysuria).  Infertility is also prevalent in endometriosis, affecting more than half of women who have the disease.  Some characteristic signs of endometriosis include:

• chronic or intermittent pelvic pain
• painful menstruation
• irregular vaginal or uterine bleeding
• irregular vaginal clotting
• large, painful ovarian cysts called endometriomas or "chocolate cysts"
• infertility, miscarriage, ectopic (tubal) pregnancy
• pain associated with intercourse
• nausea/vomiting, gastrointestinal cramping, diarrhea/constipation, particularly with periods
• rectal pain
• blood in the urine; urinary frequency, retention, or urgency
• fatigue, chronic pain, allergies and other immune-related issues are also commonly reported complaints in those with endometriosis

Diagnosing Endometriosis

Despite advances in diagnostic technology, a confirmation of endometriosis requires surgical biopsy. This is commonly obtained through a minimally invasive procedure called laparoscopy. Laparoscopy is typically performed on an out-patient basis. Your surgeon will look at your abdomen and pelvic cavity through an instrument known as the laparoscope. This surgery allows your surgeon to inspect your abdominal and pelvic regions (and beyond, as needed) to diagnose and subsequently remove the disease. To date, anything less than surgical confirmation of endometriosis is considered uncertain.  Due to its diagnostic difficulties, endometriosis may be mistaken for other disorders that include:

adenomyosis (sometimes called "Endometriosis Interna")

appendicitis

ovarian cysts

bowel obstruction

colon cancer

diverticulitis

ectopic pregnancy

fibroids

inflammatory bowel disease (IBD)

irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)

ovarian cancer

PID (pelvic inflammatory disease) or sexually transmitted disease(s)

Endometriosis is NOT an STD or an infection of any kind.  It is not contagious.  Though it cannot be prevented, treatments do exist.

Treating Endometriosis

Endometriosis impacts women and adolescents’ quality of life, sexual pleasure, and ability to have children. The founders of EFA strongly believe that specialized surgery called “Laparoscopic Excision” is the gold standard of endometriosis treatment.

1. Laparoscopic Excision Surgery
2. Other Laparoscopic Surgeries
3. Hysterectomy
4. Hormonal Treatments

Contraceptive-Based Hormonal Treatments
Other Hormonal Treatments

1. Pain Killers
2. Diet and Nutrition
3. Alternative Therapies

OTher options, are excersie and dieting, can't wait to share the diet because we get to eat like rabbits! There are also several cancer's linked to Endometriosis sufferer's which has added to the symptoms and just why women are living in fear of this.