Grab the rag, polish those gloves third verse same as the first. As I stand in front of the mirror I see this warrior with paint of yellow upon her face. She is fierce with strong sense of self yet a gleam of worry set's behind her eye's. Deep breath girl third time is a charm right?
No end to Endometriosis. This isn't a cliché or catch phrase. This is our motto. I've heard it all. "Don't a lot of women suffer from Endometriosis? " " How bad could it be?" " It's just laproscopy/ colocospy. " Really! Tell that to a women who has been under for surgery more time's than she cares. Her stomach looks like a battlefield of incisions. Better yet how about a loss of a child or possibly more before she had one or in some cases none. The umpteenth time she head's to ER in a pain that makes giving child birth a breeze. Her mental stability is chaotic, auto immune disease, stomach issues and chronic PMS. Bleeding more than usual that feels like someone has taken a knife raking your insides for day's which makes you weak and fatigued. Medications piled on the counter along with books, blogs , heating pads and home remedies. A diet that is based on twigs and leafs, work outs constantly to keep inflammation at bay. Hormones askwed. We're used as Medical guinea pigs such as: Injections of chemotherapy, drug's that makes us bonkers. Then at young ages loss of our womenhood. Hysterectomy! Which does not stop this horrible disease.
I'm one of a million sisters who is tired of suffering from this disease. You say, it's just this or that like it's nothing. Well folks WAKE UP! It is called ENDOMETRIOSIS! In my case it has grown onto more. As it has in a lot of my sister's. We're Warriors for a reason. Not everyone can handle this. One thing is for sure we will not stop fighting.
Those who've read my blog know I had a total hysterectomy last year after under going 7 months of Zoledex (Chemotherapy) . Almost died due to respiratory arrest. They found I had stage IV going on V endo along with andeoymiosis. The endometriosis bonded organs, nerves, spine and arteries together in a inflamed mess. Only thing left after was my cervix. Yeah about that. My endometriosis came back.
In May I doubled over in pain while at work. There I sat not able to stand it felt like I was in labor. I ruled it out as gas. That weekend I started to bleed. WTF! I'm not supposed to be able to do that I have nothing left! So I called my specialist and they said, "Come in now!" I did to only be told they had to remove a polyp then and there. The Dr. Who saw me said, " I don't know why they didn't take your cervix. You now have endometriosis implants covering your cervix. You know when you have a polyp your body goes through labor and you have contractions right? That is your bodies way to try and push thing's that don't belong out." LABOR! Awesome I get to have the pain but no miracle to follow just a polyp. Fun! Not!
My test results came back with disturbing results. I had another abnormal pap. With possible precancerous cells. The endometriosis has grown back creating it's own estrogen. Thank goodness I refused HRTs or it would be worse. I got the response, " that's odd, that usually doesn't happen." Well in my body it does. Walked away sore from polyp removal and told we have to watch them because it could lead to cervical cancer. Folks my mom had cervical cancer from endo. I know who's foot steps I'm following. A little flipped out I climbed inside myself feeling at a loss. Once recollected myself and thought I will do what I always do. Workout, try to eat right and fight on.
Month's later more pain started in my abdominal region. This time my left side of my body was visually swollen. Back to the Endo specialist who didn't like what he saw. Abnormal pap, huge polyp, increased scare tissue and tons of adhesions. My cervix is a hot mess. He gave me two options. One treat with pain meds for two weeks and go from there or we hit the endometriosis on the head go in for a laproscopy / biopsy of the cervix and see why my bladder and cervix are so inflamed. Just like that poof I'm in for yet another surgery November. 20th. One year, One month after my hysterectomy.
Scared beyond belief because last time I coded from going under. Yes, inhalers and more meds to try to prevent respiratory arrest. My warrior face is painted. Gloves polished and back on. As any endometriosis sister will tell you we fight on. My brother told me something that made sense at the time. Sis, I once knew a guy who was suffering from cancer. Instead of being mad he said, "God only chooses those who can deal with it." Your that strong person. No matter what life has thrown at you, you surpassed it. I don't think other's would be able to have what you have and deal with it the way you or other's like you do. He is right you know. There are a lot of strong warriors amongst us. Some yes have sadly ended their life because even us strong one's get so tired of fighting. I'm not though. I choose to stand up and say Bring it! This is for my daughter.
Mandi
